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I am not an expert, but I understand depression. I've been observing the people around me as well and try to understand what they might be feeling and thinking about depressed people. I try to put myself in their shoes so I would know how to communicate to them effectively, as I know that they want to help me, but perhaps, do not know how. I've said that you wouldn't understand unless you've been depressed and I still believe that.
I mentioned in one of my blogs that I came across a discussion forum, joined, and started getting into it by answering questions on depression and anxiety based on my personal experience and not as an expert.
I would like to share the top Q&As here with you. I would like to highlight that the treatment to depression may vary on a case to case basis and based on an individual's general condition. It is always best to seek professional help.
I hope you will find any of these useful.
Q1: My girlfriend has depression and she won't talk to me. What do I do?
PUMPINK HAT'S RESPONSE:
I suppose you want to help her.
Talk to her in a different way. You don't need her to listen and respond to you, because she is under severe emotional stress and like most, if not all, depressed people, she doesn't want to talk.
Give her flowers and express your love and support for her on a note. Give her the assurance that you understand and will support her (but make sure you really do understand and are willing to support her unconditionally). Give her the small stuffs that she likes and always send her notes of endearment and encouragement. It can be just a chocolate, a stem of rose. It's not the cost of what you give but the thought that you are there for her that will matter to her.
You have to be careful as well with your choice of words. Use positive words, except, "snap out of it", "you can do it", "it will pass", things like that because depressed people hate those advices.
Do you know what's causing her depression? Try to understand.
But before anything else, ask yourself if you are willing to accept her with her depression because if you end up leaving her, it will likely worsen her depression. Do things at the right time.
Read more about depression. The more you understand it, the better you will feel and the better you can help her.
I also got depressed when too many things happened at the same time. Stress at work, conflict with teenage children, terrible fight with spouse, health issues. It was horrible and I felt like I wont be able to overcome it despite my medication and CBTs (cognitive behavioural therapy).
She needs time, professional help, love and support from you and her loved ones. Coax her to attend mindfulness course because it helped me a lot. Counselling will help, too, to show her different ways of looking at situations.
You did a good job in managing her suicidal thoughts. Be patient while helping her, and give her time. It may take long, honestly, but it will be worth it when you finally see her coming out of it.
All the best and will pray for both of you.
Q2: How do you get through to a depressed person who pushes you away?
PUMPINK HAT'S RESPONSE:
I am not an expert but I have depression. I know I need help, but yes, I sometimes push people away and I would like to share with you a few of the reasons why I push people away:
If the person adds pressure on me, like asking me questions that require me to think at a time when I'm too depressed to think.
If I know that the person's communication skills will not help me, even if I know that the person has genuine concern for me. With depression, I am so sensitive and emotional. I stay away from people who talk straightforward. Because the words make me feel so bad that I don't hear the message anymore.
If I know the person does not have enough understanding of what depression is, meaning, even if they are trying to help, they end up making me feel worse. They are the ones who simply say, "Snap out of it.", "Just pray and it will be over soon.", "Be strong, don't be depressed.".
If I think I am being a burden to the person because of my depression. Seeing a loved one worrying about me makes me feel guilty and adds up to my depression.
In summary, I push people away so as not to be a burden to them and/or because I think the person will not help me even if I know he has a sincere intention to help.
A person whom I know has a positive disposition, talks with empathy, listens more than talks will probably find it easier to get through me. But they can only make me feel better at a point in time. I still seek professional help from a psychiatrist and counselors.
Hope the above will help you find out the reason(s) applicable to your situation. Hope you will be able to get through him/her, as your timing may just be perfect.
Q3: I've been in treatment for depression for more than a year now and not much has improved, what should I do?
PUMPINK HAT'S RESPONSE:
Hold on, friend. I'm not an expert but I have depression, and I think and feel the same way as you. Many of us do. But thinking of giving up makes our depression even worse. We need to find and see positive things in life and overcome all the negativity that depression builds on. It's a vicious cycle that we need to get out from as soon as we can.
My son told me that ending our life is simply passing our burden to our loved ones and they don't deserve that. I realized that. I know it's hard, but I also try to get out of this darkness and reach out to people whom I know can help me. To spend more time with them and smile more, feel a little bit better, slowly, patiently.
I believe that once we get out of it, we'll be stronger than we've ever been.
Good luck to all of us.
Q4: I feel insecurity and get depressed for unknown reasons. Currently I
have a good job and most of things are alright. Why do I feel insecure?
PUMPINK HAT'S RESPONSE:
I have depression for years and I still ask these questions. A part of me believes that I'm very blessed but I still feel insecure and depressed just the same.
A simple and straightforward answer is - hormonal imbalance. They said this can get treated with Primrose Oil, but that didn't work for me. I tried hormonal pills and it worked at the start, but not when the depression is quite bad.
Let's look at the insecurity first.
Insecurity is feeling inferior to others about something. That something can be your job, achievements in life, family life, size of your house, type of your car, or simply how your hair looks or the color of your skin. It should be easy to determine where your inferiority is.
However, I also believe that inferiority may not be related to your current situation, but as a result of something in your past. This is quite tricky. We would normally think that the past is past and would not affect us now. But try to recall anything in your past when you felt like you could have done better, or when you were treated unfairly that you didn't get the accomplishment that you deserved, or when you felt like you were second best to someone, be it a sibling, a friend, a classmate, etc.
Only you can determine what is causing your insecurity. And maybe a psychiatrist or a hypnotist.
Believing you are insecure but not understanding why, is like questioning yourself. And if you question yourself, you have self-doubt. If you have self-doubt, it affects self-esteem and can contribute to depression.
At the moment, it's quite apparent that you are paying more attention to your insecurity and depression than your good job and that most of the things are alright. Have you tried focusing more on these good things in your life and set aside the thoughts that you are insecure, and you don't know why, and you are depressed? Have you tried feeling grateful for these good things, rather than depressed and insecure? Have you tried celebrating your good life?
Negative thoughts ruminate, and so do negative feelings. And when you can't stop that rumination, you get trapped in a vicious cycle that can only lead to and worsen depression.
Have you read about mindfulness? It will teach you simple exercises that will help you manage your negative thoughts better. Try researching about it, as it helped me a lot.
You are blessed more than a lot of other people with your good job and if you think almost everything is right. Focus on these blessings and be happy.
Good luck and all the best!
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